The Growler has been appalled and amused by some of the recent comments about Parker-Gray crime and the role of the Alexandria police, which reached a new reductio ad absurdum when one visitor stated "I keep hearing that the police should get out of their cars and do something? Like what? Yell 'Come here criminals'?"Like apprehend criminals, you moron. Geez, does the Growler have to spell out everything around here?
Anyway, it looks like it is up to the Growler to restore some measure of intelligence and sanity to the troubled neighborhood with a fresh proposal ripped from the headlines, i.e., today's Washington Post.
"Hartford, Conn. -- Activists propose playing classical music in Barnard Park to annoy drug dealers and prostitutes, making them leave. 'Beethoven is not going to save you,' University of Carlifornia at Los Angeles musicologist Robert Fink said. 'Some of the greatest composers in history are now being viewed as some kind of bug spray or disinfectant.'"
Now the Growler hates thinking of Beethoven as the aural equivalent of Raid, but believes broadcasting the classics at Queen and Fayette is a splendid idea. The cops don't have to be involved (except to change the CDs once in a while), the ACLU and NAACP will be at a total loss, and the cultural tone of the neighborhood will be greatly elevated.
But the choice of music is critical. Dr. Fink is right. Beethoven won't save us because he's gone too mainstream. When millions of cell phones play "Fur Elise," when the "Ode to Joy" accompanies car chases on Hollywood action film trailers, and a second hand version of "A Fifth of Beethoven" opens Judge Judy, there's not enough shock value in blasting Beethoven at the guys with blunts for sale.So what types of classical music are most apt to run the drug dealers and crack ho's out of Parker-Gray?
Well, the Growler thought first of Baroque music. Maybe a continuous loop of Bach's 24 Preludes and Fugues stiffened with an offering of the Goldberg Variations on weekends. That should make 'em antsy at the Spa Court. But it would probably make the Growler bugsy too. As for the others, Handel is too majestic, and Vivaldi and Frescobaldi have been overexposed in every elevator on earth.
The Classic era is right out. Too ... classical. Besides, we don't want cross-contamination with the Baby Mozart CDs all the young parents on Payne and Fayette are playing to their wee ones so they can ace their SATs and get into Harvard at 17.
There's a lot to be said for the very late Romantics. Forget the Russians. Mahler has possibilities. Maybe Schoenberg's Verklärte Nacht for string orchestra, the single most overwrought piece of music the Growler has ever heard. Perhaps some Webern or Berg -- a little 12-tone row cacaphony to get just the right nails-on-blackboard effect.
But for sheer annoyance you've got to opt for opera.
Not just any opera. Mozart is too beautiful, Italian opera too lyrical. And the Growler is frankly concerned about unintended consequences from exposing crackheads to the lushness of Puccini. Besides, "Quando m'en vo" is already imprinted on everyone's brain cells from decades of spaghetti sauce commercials.
That leads the Growler to abandon the Italian scene and propose one towering name over all others.
Wagner
Yes, Wagner -- one of the Growler's guilty pleasures. Not the early works, nor the last one, Parsifal (too much of a snooze). Certainly not the "Ride of the Valkyries" (way too much fun).
Instead, think Götterdammerüng. Five or six hours of Teutonic intensity unleavened by humor and capped by an extremely loud Immolation scene, the flooding of the Rhine River, the destruction of Valhalla and the redemption of the world. That should clear the streets pretty quickly.
Yep, that's the formula. Wagner.
And to anyone who protests that it is unfair to use high European culture to clean up the drug trade in Parker-Gray, the Growler's got an alternative
Chinese classical opera
Oh yeah, baby. That's the ticket. That'll scare 'em straight. And maybe we can splice in a few Bollywood sound tracks. Nothing like hearing East Asian sopranos who can really wail.
Good. Now that the Growler has the solution for crime in Parker-Gray, it's time to move on to ending the war in Iraq, preventing a worldwide avian pandemic, and revitalizing King Street.
10 comments:
Thanks heavens you understand the sanctity of Baby Mozart cds. Unfortunately we have no substation so where does the Growler propose we put the speakers? And will noise ordinances apply?
Your humor falls flat considering there was another shooting Saturday morning. Serious problems require serious solutions.
Chief Samarra said he'd opt for a satellite station at Queen and Fayette, so what's he going to do, now that guns and knives have become "must-have" accessories for hoodwear on the Spa Court?? Or has he returned to hiding - er, hibernation?
I find the humor ok, as I think Growler sincerely wants to see improvement in the neighborhood crime situation; its really a debate over implementation.
What "newcomers" suggest is what has worked elsewhere in other cities; a combination of factors which include more police presence, more development of run down and blighted areas, more community focus on reporting and preventing lower-level crimes (misdemeanors, vandalism, littering, noise violations, etc), and less concentration of low-income residents in one area. Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Chicago, etc... have all revitalized areas of their city that are just like Parker Gray, by working to imrpove or eliminate these conditions.
Its about fostering conditions that seek to make crime more difficult to achieve and bringing some pride back to Parker Gray. I find it somewhat disturbing that Parker-Gray Way (Wythe Street) is so poorly lit, so strewn with trash, so unsafe at night. This doesnt seem to bother many citizens of Parker Gray or of Alexandria. Its distrubing that rather than make a serious effort to solve this problem by attacking it multiple ways, we instead get rants about how the police are doing a terrible job and they need to make more arrests. Does that automatically improve the criminal situation in the neighborhood? No. DC deploys tons of police to Southeast; does that help at all? But again, Growler, cops are apprehending criminals right now (I just saw them over at Samuel Madden Uptown and over on Oronoco making arrests last night and today). Its simply not enough to deploy more police and make more arrests; conditions in the neighborhood are already ripe for crime as it stands now (regardless of the amount of police presence or the amount of arrests they make).
In his State of the City address Mayor Euille argued in favor of increased development at Alexandria's four metro stations.
From the March 2-8, 2006, Gazette Packet:
"Euille said that by increasing development in these areas, City Hall could decrease its reliance on taxpayers.
By taking advantage of the availability of mass transit and allowing bonus density at certain sites, our commercial and residential tax base and affordable housing opportunities can grow," he said. "This would enable us to decrease our reliance on existing residential real-estate taxpayers and provide tax relief to our property owners."
Is neighborhood development not inevitable? Is the debate not one of extent?
To all blogging pundits:
How do neighbors respond to the fact that the weekend gunfire at Queen and Fayette Streets was random, not targeted? Did the Police Chief not try to tell us after the Murphy murder that violent crime was targeted crime only? Does an earlier Growler entry, biased or otherwise, not confirm my impression? Violence clearly is on the increase and I, for one, am unimpressed with the explanations.
I have to agree with the poster above - violence definitely seems to be on the rise, particularly in the Parker-Gray area. As an 8-year resident of the area, I have to say I've felt much less safe in the last year than I did in the preceding 7 years. I love the proximity to King Street but I hate that, of late, any evening walk from King to my house on N. Payne has turned into a rushed, anxious scramble to get home (and past Queen St) and safely in the front door.
On a lighter note - forget the late Romantics - how about THE Romantics - some bad 80s power pop (remember "What I Like About You) could have tremendous crime repellent effect, throw in some Rick Springfield, a little Tommy Tutone, and you might have all those young families out having a dance party at the park!
400 blk. of N. Henry St. 03-08/ 3:30 .am. The victim, a 23-year-old City resident, was approached by a man who displayed a knife and demanded money. The victim complied and the suspect fled on foot from the area. Police were called and stopped the suspect several blocks away. The suspect, Anthony Gordon, a 39-year-old male of 1220 Oronoco Street, was arrested and charged with Robbery.
How does Growler explain stuff like this?
What would police walking around have done to stop stupidity like this? If the suspect is on foot and they are on foot, how can they be proactive in stopping this crap?
Also, is it me or does the brazenness and stupidity of criminal activity seem to be on the rise?
I have to agree with the previous blogger who noted that this is more than just police patrols; this neighborhood needs some serious change.
Was the Henry Street reference written by a cop? Since when are cops walking a mistake? I keep reading references to cops repeatedly observed, on foot, in and around the housing projects. If their presence is so stupid then point them in directions where they are not seen walking.
The Henry Street reference comes from the city's official incident report. The police mark the block location of where crimes occur.
Let me clarify on the projects, too. The cops only walk around in the projects after major incidents, like when the Adkins and Bland projects were declared a red zone last summer after a series of shootings and robberies.
Most of the time they are not walking around but merely driving around.
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